The Misadventures of Quinxy truths, lies, and everything in between!

18Jul/100

Me, The Quasi-Statistical Serial Killer

As part of my year of mischief, perhaps soon to become an age of mischievousness,  I've adopted a policy of engaging in quasi-statistical serial murder.

If second hand smoking kills, then the first hand smoker must be the killer.  To be fair it'd be more accurate to say the smoker is an attempted murderer.  It's entirely possible their smoke has killed someone, but proving it was their particular puff that pushed another specific person into cancer or heart failure would be nigh impossible.     One could extend the argument to say that since smokers indulge around more than one person on more than one occasion, and they are aware of the risk they are pushing onto others, smokers qualify as serial killers, albeit again of an attempted variety.  A mortality statistician might be able to accurately guesstimate a lifetime average death toll, perhaps it'd be on the order of 0.04 victims per smoker, with any individual smoker perhaps being responsible for no deaths or dozens.

It has widely been suggested that cell phones may be the hidden health crisis looming in the future, the equivalent crisis for the next generation as cigarettes were for the last.   The as yet unconfirmed but suspected carcinogenic nature of radio waves we all routinely ignore because the benefits they bring are just too delicious to deny.   Smokers believed the doctors and the cigarette companies well through the first half of the last century, perhaps we'll do the same through this one with cell phones.

I don't smoke.  But I like to play god with the best of them.  I've decided that I will seek to expose others to second hand cell phone radiation, and the murdering that may or may not statistically follow.  I won't do so freakishly, needlessly creating signals just to expose people, but if I'm tethering my computer to my cell phone or making a call, maybe I'll choose to be 3 feet away rather than 10 feet away from my potential victims.  And come what may, I am apparently free to do it.

Now obviously I'm kidding, mostly, but I think it makes an important point.  We all impact each other in potentially grave ways, ways we don't even completely understand.  So as horribly odd as it might sound to intentionally gravitate towards others in an effort to expose them to greater levels of arguably statistically significant electromagnetic radiation, and therein attempt their murder, we're all doing the same thing in some form or other.  It may be you driving a hybrid car which requires lithium dragged from the earth by inadequately protected miners under the boot of a corrupt government.  It may be you tossing out coffee cups that leach chemicals into the Earth that end up in people's drinking water.  We're all killing some part of somebody, and collectively it adds up to a grand conspiracy of serial murder.  As long as we're doing it, we should at least be honest about it.   I am.

^Quinxy